The Inevitable
Marches On

I pick up pieces that were never mine, like if i don't they'll cut someone in time I wear your storms like a second spine And tell myself it's help, not self-hell I'm the it's fine guy, the I got it one The human sandbag inside a flood Every time I save the day for everyone I sink a little bit in the mud And I know, yes I know It's not my job to keep the world intact But I fold, and I fold Like I can't stop my hands from doing that It's not mine to carry But I'll carry it anyway Like if I drop it Something in me will break It's getting kind of heavy Yeah, I think it's starting to show I'm bending, and I'm shaking And I'm cracking underneath the load I take the blame like a paycheck I don't ever remember applying for I say no worries with a tight neck then wonder why I'm on the floor I'm carrying silence for people who won't speak I'm carrying anger that isn't even in me I'm carrying grief when I never got to grieve Cause somebody else needed me And I know, yes I know It's not my job to keep the world intact But I fold, and I fold Like I can't stop my hands from doing that It's not mine to carry But I'll carry it anyway Like if I drop it Something in me will break It's getting kind of heavy Yeah, I think it's starting to show I'm bending, and I'm shaking And I'm cracking underneath the load And I don't wanna be your anchor I wanna learn how to swim I don't wanna be your savior I'd like to feel again Cause I'm not made of steel And I'm not a stormproof home I'm just a personal man Trying not to be alone It's not mine to carry But I'll carry it anyway Like if I drop it Something in me will break It's getting kind of heavy Yeah, I think it's starting to show I'm bending, and I'm shaking And I'm cracking underneath the load

Woke up with a rock in my chest again Like my ribs are a room that I can’t live in Phone full of “you good?” and I lie like, “yeah” ‘Cause I don’t wanna be the thing you gotta manage I watch the news like it’s a horror show Same old monsters in a brand new coat And I’m supposed to smile like nothing’s wrong? Bro… how is that the expectation? If I sound tired, it’s ‘cause I am I’m not lazy, I’m not “bad,” I’m just slammed By the weight of everything that we pretend is fine It’s not So if I’m giving up tonight It’s ‘cause I’ve been trying my whole life If I’m quiet, if I’m numb, If I don’t wanna fight— that’s normal (for this world) Yeah, it’s normal (for this world) Don’t tell me I’m broken, I’m just hurt If I’m falling apart sometimes That’s normal (for this world) I’m losing people in slow motion They’re still here but they feel like ghosts now Names in my head like a skipped-heart beat And I hate that time keeps taking without asking I keep a screenshot just to prove it’s real Like if I save it, I can change the deal But the “last seen” doesn’t come back And neither do the moments that I’m chasing If I sound angry, it’s ‘cause I care And I’m sick of being told to “breathe” and “be aware” Like mindfulness is gonna stop the world from being cruel It won’t So if I’m giving up tonight It’s ‘cause I’ve been trying my whole life If I’m quiet, if I’m numb, If I don’t wanna fight— that’s normal (for this world) Yeah, it’s normal (for this world) Don’t tell me I’m broken, I’m just hurt If I’m falling apart sometimes That’s normal (for this world) I’m not a tragedy, I’m not a trend I’m just a person at the edge of the end And if you feel it too, then say it out loud We’re not alone— we’re not alone— we’re not alone now So if I’m giving up tonight It’s ‘cause I’ve been trying my whole life If I’m quiet, if I’m numb, If I don’t wanna fight— that’s normal (for this world) Yeah, it’s normal (for this world) Don’t tell me I’m broken, I’m just hurt If I’m falling apart sometimes That’s normal (for this world)

I woke up heavy like a coat I can't take off The coffee tastes like yesterday but I sip it anyway I keep scrolling past the people doing fine Like I missed the train and now I'm behind Try not to panic, just breathe But everything seems louder than it needs to be I wish I could explain it clean But it's messy in between But maybe I'm not broken Maybe I'm just here in a moment that deserves some tears I don't need a reason that's easy to say Just something true that stays And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days aren't made for feeling that great And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days don't lift when you beg them away And if I'm hurting, it means I care And honestly, that's fair Yeah, it makes sense to be sad today There's a crack in every i'm alright that I say I laugh a little too loud, then I fade away I'm not trying to be tragic, just real Sometimes being numb is how I heal The world keeps moving like nothing's new But I'm still catching up to me and you And if I'm quiet, it's not rude It's just what I do So I let it roll through me like a storm at sea If it's honest, it belongs in me I don't have to rush it And I don't have to prove I'll make it through And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days aren't made for feeling that great And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days don't lift when you beg them away And if I'm hurting, it means I care And honestly, that's fair Yeah, it makes sense to be sad today I don't need a fix, I don't need advice I don't need a look on the bright side Just sit with me, don't rush the night Let me be quiet till I'm alright Don't turn it into something I should outrun Let it be what it is until it's done And if tomorrow feels a little less gray I'll take it as a win that way And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days aren't made for feeling that great And I'm just sad and that's okay Some days don't lift when you beg them away And if I'm hurting, it means I care And honestly, that's fair Yeah, it makes sense to be sad today

At sixteen I thought That pain was a headline Something you shouted So the world would look I wore my anger Like a jacket in summer Just to get a look And back then, the future Was a room that I could enter Kick the door and leave a mark And call it art Nobody told me That the real damage is quiet And it starts in the heart Getting older is hard in a way Teenage angst never learned to translate Back then, you had Because you wanted more Now you hurt because it fades You start collecting Funerals like evidence Little stamps on the passports Of your days gone by Names you used to say As easy as groceries Now you say like prayers too late And the phone doesn't ring And you pretend that you don't notice Like silence is polite If you don't call it by name But the room keeps its mouth shut And you learn that's the same Getting older is hard in a way Teenage angst never learned to translate Back then, you had Because you wanted more Now you hurt because it fades And your body starts filing complaints About the miracles it used to do for free Knees like rusted hinges Teeth like weather And your back is keeping the receipts You wake up bruised from sleeping Like even rest is a deal with the devil And you laugh because it's kind of funny For a second And then it's not Time isn't loud It's a thief in soft shoes Stealing your face One ordinary day at a time You look in the mirror And you meet your father In the set of your jaw And tired of your eyes And the calendar pages don't fall They dissolve like smoke on glass In a cold back room And you realize the future isn't coming It's already in your shoes Getting older is hard in a way Teenage angst never learned to translate Back then, you had Because you wanted more Now you hurt because it fades And the seconds don't march, they leak Through your hands like a cigarette and its smoke You blink and the years are gone And you're somehow still learning how to cope You see me staring at nothing in particular I'm not lost, I'm just counting what's missing Trying not to hate the clock for doing its job Like the rest of us

They toast the progress in a glass-lid room While the streetlights blink like they have seen it too. A neat headline and a polished grin. And the cameras clap when the numbers win. They sell you the war like a weather plan. Like thunder just happens, not man to man. And I'm supposed to nod like it's nothing new. While the world keeps cracking right in two. And we hold our breath in the checkout line. We choke so nobody knows. Cause fear is so unacceptable, but it shows. And who gets paid when the skyline burns? Who cashes out when the sirens start? Who calls it necessary? While it's carving up someone's heart. If your chest feels tight like a wire's pulled back. Like you're waiting for the drop. Yeah, they may stop the shells and sign the papers. But the war, it doesn't stop. It's a kid doing homework under the TV light. Learning geography by the fire at night. It's a mom with her phone face down on the table. Praying the next vibration isn't fatal. It's a crowded room that suddenly goes still. With a loud bang like a memory drill. It's the calm that you fake. It's the smile that you wear. Cause breaking down is just too much to share. And we swallow it down like it's normal air. Like pain is the entry fee. They want us fine and functioning, not free. And who gets paid when the skyline burns? Who cashes out when the sirens start? Who calls it necessary? While it's carving up someone's heart. If your chest feels tight like a wire's pulled back. Like you're waiting for the drop. Yeah, they may stop the shells and sign the papers. But the war, it doesn't stop. And they draw clean lines on a map with a pen. Like ink can't leak into blood again. They call it security and order and the cost. And we pay it in the sleep we never got. There's a tension that now lives in all the small little things. Slammed car doors and the way the kettle sings. And the pause before you answer. And the glance at the screen. And the dread in between the words. And the ones who got wealthy, they don't carry the noise. Don't hear the cracked out quiet in children's voices. They don't feel the weight when the room goes thin. They don't. They don't. And who gets paid when the skyline burns? Who cashes out when the sirens start? Who calls it necessary while it's carving up someone's heart? If your chest feels tight like a wire's pulled back. Like you're waiting for the drop. Yeah, they may stop the shells and sign the papers. But the war, it doesn't stop.

I re-read the lines till they stop hurting, and read it again till it hurts. I keep the shirt that smells like last year, I keep the ticket from the night I can't replay. I tell myself that I'm moving on, but I'm just dragging yesterday. And I know it's not healthy, I know it's not brave, but giving up feels like throwing away. I have to keep it close, like pain is continuity. It's not mine to keep, but I keep it anyway. I'm losing so much sleep, cause I don't know how to walk away. I keep my anger like a loaded weapon, point it inward, cause it feels in control. I replay conversations, trying to win back what I lost. I hold my breath when I pass our places, like grief is a dog that might recognize me. I smile in public, like I'm over it, and break up in the car privately. And I know that it's not healthy, but I'm scared if I drop it, there'll be nothing left there. So I stack all the memories, and call it healing. I keep my anger like a loaded weapon, point it inward, cause it feels in control. I replay conversations, trying to win back what I lost. I hold my breath when I pass our places, like grief is a dog that might recognize me. I don't want the heartbreak, I just want the part that felt important. I know that time heals just something people say, but time just teaches you what you can't replace. So I hold on, cause I don't know what else to do. I keep my anger like a loaded weapon, point it inward, cause it feels in control. I replay conversations, trying to win back what I lost. I hold my breath when I pass our places, like grief is a dog that might recognize me. I smile in public, like I'm over it, and break up in the car privately.

I walk in the rooms like I owe them something Like my job is keeping everyone okay I read the air like a bill with my name And pay it off with words I say I laugh on cue, I soften the edges I take the blame before it finds me I make it easy and I make it lighter Than wonder why I feel empty Cause I've been living life in arrears Paying interest year after year If you're upset I assume it's me Automatically And I'm the emotional debt collector Taking payment in my sleep Keeping everybody steady While I'm sinking underneath I'm paying for your comfort With my peace and breath Yeah, I'm smiling through the pressure Until there's nothing left I answer texts like diffusing a bomb One word wrong and I'm the bad guy I say no problem when it's a problem Cause conflict feels like I might die I carry modes that aren't mine to carry I hold them close like they're proof But being good shouldn't feel like bleeding And lately it always would And I've been trained to trade my peace To make myself smaller so the room can breathe But I can't keep buying quiet at this cost I'm so lost Cause I'm the emotional debt collector Taking payment in my sleep Keeping everybody steady While I'm sinking underneath I'm paying for your comfort With my peace and breath Yeah, I'm smiling through the pressure Until there's nothing left And I'm done financing your happiness Like I'm a bank that never closes I'm done apologizing for boundaries Or finally saying what I see And if you're mad, you're mad And that's not a debt, that's a feeling I can be kind without collapsing Or kneeling And I'm not your emotional debt collector I'm not your safety net I'm done paying for your comfort With my peace and breath And if you need me, just ask me Don't just take and expect Yeah, I'm choosing me for once I don't feel guilty yet

Every conversation turns into evidence I file it away, like I'm building a case I replay the tone, I rewrite your face And I lose the night to the chord in my brain I hear my own voice on the witness stand Stumbling through words that I regret And the judge in my head doesn't let me sleep at night Tapping his pen like a threat Objection I'm reaching, I know But I can't stop cross-examining hope I'm guilty until I prove I'm not And I never do, no I never do It's a false trial in my head And I'm always the defendant I confess to things you never said Just to make the silence end I don't need a verdict, I need relief But I keep handing my life to the jury in me It's a false trial in my head And I'm always guilty I watch your face in my mind like a tape Zooming in the moment that you looked away And I swear I can hear the second it changed Even if you say that it didn't I write my closing statements at 3.17 Like a summary will finally set me free But the more I explain, the worse it all sounds And the sentence is always me Objection I'm spiraling again Calling fear truth with a straight face So I'm calling it a mistrial tonight I'm letting go, I'm letting go It's a false trial in my head And I'm always the defendant

I took the long way home again Let the city drag its fingers through the glass Every red light felt like a question And every mile just whispered from the past I got scars I learned to laugh about Ghosts they still know where I live But the night don't ask for perfection Only whatever I've got left to give So I roll the windows down Let the cold air hit my chest If I'm breaking, well let me break At least I'm not dead yet The streetlights don't lie They shine on the wreckage and the reasons why I'm still moving, still burning Still looking for a little peace of mind And happy don't hide Even when the dark comes like a rising tide I've been lost and I've been lonely But streetlights don't lie There's a silhouette in every rearview Of the man I was and the man I ain't I've made friends with silent moments And enemies with my own mistakes Still there's smoke rising from the engine Still there's fire under all this rust And maybe hope ain't loud or pretty Maybe hope is just refusing dust So I keep one hand on the wheel And one on what I can't control If heaven's got a map for this It sure takes its sweet time with sauce The streetlights don't lie They shine on the wreckage and the reasons why I'm still moving, still burning Still looking for a little peace of mind And happy don't hide Even when the dark comes like a rising tide I've been lost and I've been lonely But streetlights don't lie And if tomorrow comes in bruised and bent I'll meet it like an old friend With my hands open wide No, I'm not clean, I'm not cured yet But I'm still here and that's a start And that's enough tonight And that's enough tonight Yeah, that's enough tonight Streetlights don't lie They watch us crawl and call at learning how to fly And I'm still moving, still burning Still chasing down a truer kind of light And happy don't lie Even when the world goes cold on the other side I've been hurt and I've been holy And streetlights, they don't lie Yeah, I've been hurt and I've been holy No, streetlights don't lie Don't lie Don't lie Don't lie

They fed us flags and polished lies Pinned a sermon to the barrel of a gun Said go be brave, go make us proud That courage looks like what we've done Now the sky is black with metal teeth And the ground keeps swallowing names You learn real fast there ain't no anthem That can drown out a mother's wailing flames There's a boot in the trench There's a hand in the wire There's a kid with his insides Lit up by the fire This is mud and bone Blood in the snow A body calling out for a boy Who won't come home This is teeth and smoke Skin and stone Tell me what kind of kingdom Asks for this in gold There's no holy here Just dying alone This is war This is mud and bone There's a ring inside a severed glove There's a photo soaked through in the rain There's a medic pressing both hands down Trying hard to keep a stranger in his veins And the drones don't hear the praying And the generals don't smell the dead They draw clean lines on paper maps While rats crawl over what's left unsaid There's a mouth full of dirt There's screams in the dark There's a cross with no body And a dog tag in the muck This is mud and bone Blood in the snow A body calling out for a boy Who won't come home This is teeth and smoke Skin and stone Tell me what kind of kingdom Asks for this in gold There's no holy here Just dying alone This is war This is mud and bone And when the cameras leave The crows still come And when the speeches end The widows don't And every metal shines Like a lie in the sun When you've seen a child Try and wake someone And no triumph and no peace No clean hands, no sleep This is mud and bone Blood in the snow A body calling out for a boy Who won't come home This is teeth and smoke Skin and stone Tell me what kind of kingdom Asks for this in gold Not glory, not honor Just mud and bone Not glory, not honor Just mud and bone